all in the life, me

i'm disappointed. really, really, very disappointed. i wish i didn't had started this shit. all i could do now is pick myself up, and face the truth of reality. i'm sorry, we're sorry. you're forgiven, i forgive you. let's forget all these. and be normal friends again.

nothing special happens on this very special occasion that happens only once in a lifetime. i'm depressed. this feeling of jealousy overwhelms me at the speed of light which i can't take control of and it doesn't seem to be slowing down. i can't help but think too much. and i hate myself for doing just that because i know someday, it could end me up in a position real bad that i really do not want to be in. i realised i'm being too complacent. i should back off. however, backing off doesn't really solve the problem either. now i'm stuck. i have absolutely no idea what to do. probably, i should wash my hands off such matter. i have a feeling that's impossible too. can someone explain to me this mixed feeling of anxiety, anger, hate, sad, happy, love, jealousy and disappointment all in one? i can't seem to set my mind straight and thinking again because all that's left inside was you. why has it always have to be the guys? girls, please take initia...

i want to swap lives with a millionaire and cut the crap of studying already. i'm sick of it, and so is everyone at school. but apparently we can't cut the crap. we just have to endure the pain and see the reward later in our lives when we're working. got back results today. the most terrible way to start the first day of the week. that's not the worst part. the worst part is when they have the Discipline Committee check our appearance. so much for checking NA and NT classes only. the whole Disc. Comm checked the entire level. super wtf. cheat my feelings. then i got caught for tapered pants. TELL ME HOW THE FUCK DO YOU UNTAPER PANTS?! what a douchebag. actually results were fine so far. hadn't failed any. just that i did badly and most of them weren't flying colours. kinda expected though. i didn't really study. didn't bother to. just hope went i get back the report slip, it'll all be joy and laughter. nothing can bring me down.

i didn't know it was WHAT THE FUCK day today. hence, i felt like shit throughout. but soccer in the morning kinda made my day. the rest was crap. well, shit happens and life has to go on. tomorrow is Monday and i don't feel like going to school at all.

PHEW! now i'm officially exam-free. though i know i won't do well AT ALL. i mean, i didn't really sat down and study despite ample time given. gah. don't blame me, i was too busy! with sleep and soccer that is. :O back to earth. now that exams are over, i can have my normal life back! yay-ness. and that means: band, soccer, eat, sleep. *repeat process till satisfied* i need to catch up with my friends and the outside world, as soon as possible. i've been down with flu for the past few days but it seems that i'm getting better already, not that anyone cares. surprisingly, soccer and swimming were the cure to that flu. ain't that a bitch. talking about no one cares, i feel like my life is invisible. as though no one actually notice me, or appreciate my existence. and that's super annoying. it gets on my nerves more than it makes me sad. this feeling, one word: fuck-you-bitch. yeah, i don't know what's happening to my life right now. it's like i...

you're my bitch. and yeah, i love you. it's funny how girls tend to get jealous easily and overprotective and all, over a small matter. i mean, do they ever think of how we the guys feel? everytime they get close to a guy, or a guy they liked before, it always breaks my heart to see that one person i love so much walk out with another guy that's not me. call me ego, or whatever names possible, but i long to be with that girl. and what's the saddest part? all they could do is tell their best friend how they feel about it. oh come on. i mean, for a relationship to work, we all must make it work together. be honest. be truthful. they them how you really feel. maybe they will appreciate it. if they don't, then you're with the wrong person. it is also childish to think that the relationship won't work before even getting into it! wtf. honestly, to think that sitting back, relax and let nature take it's course is morally wrong. i used to believed that. but now...