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nine weeks have passed since 3rd January 2011. 'Happy New Year' don't seem to apply anymore. my tests and results have been atrocious. my parents' have been advising me and nagging me to buck up and what not. all i know but i can't seem to do. i just can't seem to get into the mood and don't really have that urgency despite the fact that i only have less than six months to the major national exam. the mere thought of it send chills down my spine. i'm so worried+anxious+scared about it. negative thoughts flood. oh damn. story of my life.

next week is the final week of term one. and holidays don't really matter already. all that matters is that we are fully prepared for the exams in October, which seems pretty far away but on the actual fact, it isn't. i am definitely not on the confident level to say that i'll pass the exam, or not at least with flying colours or with my expected grade. i am so afraid, i don't know why. thinking of all my seniors and my two brothers with their results and having a reasonably good life now makes me wonder how they get through all these stress. maybe they are just naturally smart, or maybe they really work their ass off. i don't know what to do.

SYF is getting nearer. practice and rehearsals have been slightly improving, or so i thought. i hope we will get what we aimed for but not lower than our usual standard. i can't imagine life after stepping down from band. it'll be study all the minute i have. insane.

all i gotta say is that life hasn't been on the easy road for me, and for most of the secondary four students i guess. we get homework everyday, crap from most of our teachers and stress from CCA and parents. not even talking aboout the problems we create in our heads. just too much to handle. maybe i haven't been as stressed yet, because i haven't been looking at the big picture. i've been taking things so easily and ignoring many of the important things. let's change.

i wanna start being crazy like some of my bandmates, whom goes home early from school as and when they can in order to start mugging 'till the break of dawn. i wanna have that kind of crazy life. i don't care what people say but i just wanna do well in the Os. dammit.
onward and persevere?

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