Skip to main content

still, you have no right to be mad at me. you broke my heart.

i'm as choppy as an uncalmed sea.
it's as though this week hadn't been bad enough for me. i get crap. yeah, i know i'm supposedly to be responsible but i can't help it thinking of being hated upon.

it isn't all my problems. you, being specifically chosen to do that major task, are supposed to be stern and not friends to drag friends along. ya, friends can drag friends along, but you're of higher rank and given every right to scold and push them. but for fuck, you came to me, pissed, give me your fuck face when i did nothing wrong, and gave me the reason that my friends won't listen to you and i didn't tell them to come. for crying out loud, you are the fucking highest status. everyone ought to look up to you, but i guess that has proved to be wrong because you are not doing your job properly. you push everything to me, when all that's supposed to be done by you. ya, blame it on the friendship status, but as a friends there's only that much i can do to push them. they wouldn't listen to me as a ranked official, what else can i do. you are supposed to come into play.
imagine if i told your friends to stop playing basketball but they won't listen to me and i came to you to vent my anger, get pissed and give you the fuck face. wouldn't that definitely get you on the rage. fuck that.

as if that wasn't bad enough, today's worst. again, friends. it's not that i didn't want to. i wanted to, i want to come for each and everytime i have but my friends just seem to have a different mind. they would purposely delay time and disallow me to go earlier than them. they want to stick together. if i ever went without them, they'd be all critisim and gossiping and hating on me. do you know how that feels. have you ever been in that situation. i naturally fear rejection. that's just how i am. that is why i am doing my best to not get rejected. or maybe not so much. for fuck. this is bad.

i defend my friends, i get crap from another party. when i defend that party, my friends give me crap. remember the saying life is never fair; this is a perfect example. i give up pleasing both sides. i give up being a perfect example. i give up making you happy. i give up making myself feel good. i give up doing what others tell me to do. i want me to be happy. not all you other humans. what's the use when all i get is more rubbish and not even a single appreciation. all you know is to declare that you've done more than i do when the actual fact is that you've done nothing compared to my efforts.

i'm sorry for not coming. i feel guilty. i know i'm wrong. i'm so sorry. extremely, very sorry. from the bottom of my heart. i don't know what can compensate for this. i'm sorry.

bad things aside, today's the Sports Carnival and also the last day of school. handball was amazing. tiring though. wonder how the class did in the other sports. and this year's class tee is as blue as my butt. most of the sec four and five class have blue tees also. year of the blues.

so that's how my last day of the term ended. and i'm getting ready for term break with a packed schedule. i dread school.

and i'm beginning to wonder if everything and everyone is getting unreasonable. still, i'm sorry.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Limited.

No hugs today. I sent her home with no goodbye hugs. It was meant to be a norm. I don't know what her reason was but it didn't really matter. Although through that, i am starting to suspect something amiss. The topic of the incident (previous post) was brought up again in BK while we were having late dinner. Things she said that i realised: 1) it was my fault to have kept things from her 2) it was my fault that things are worse off now than before 3) it's as though she wants me out I don't know what to infer. I mean as best as i could, i would do everything right and treat her right. But of course, i'm only human that makes mistakes like texting a girl behind her back and still keeps her secrets (what a douche!). I'm sad. I'm utterly disappointed in myself that i wasn't telling her every single thing there could be said. Oh i was damn wrong on that. In recent times, she keeps mentioning names of people who're far better looking than me in schoo...

the Sunday before Christmas.

wow. so much for homework day. it turns out to be a catastrophe. i didn't even touch my homework! argh. woke up quite early, as compared to other days. but mother had plans already and no choice but to follow her. went out to visit my cousin who just gave birth to a baby girl. extremely adorable. then went home for awhile. went out again to NEX at Serangoon to walk about and see what's there. honestly, it was a total waste of time. ate late lunch at Wendy's and went home. and now i have totally no mood to do anything since tomorrow i'll be heading out of Singapore already. i should totally bring my homework along and try to squeeze as much as i can into the limited time i'm already having. DAMN. k, Sunday's proved unproductive. maybe my brain works during weekdays. screwed. see you in three days time starting from tomorrow, humans. shit TOTALLY happens but life has to go on.
A NEUTRON WALKS INTO A BAR AND ORDERED A BEER. WHEN ASKED FOR THE BILL, THE BARTENDER SAID, "FOR YOU, NO CHARGE!" - BIG BANG THEORY I WANNA GO WATCH DAVID CHOI SO BADLY! ANYONE KIND ENOUGH TO ACCOMPANY ME? PRETTY PLEASE. :D maybe, just maybe, you're the reason i became so strong. but for sure you're the reason i can't sleep. aren't you tired? you've been running through my mind all day! no, no. this is not called emotional. but if it is, then it is all your fault for not making me happy. what would you wish for, if you had one chance? i'd wish for you and i to become us .