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25 January 2013.

Today, i receieved a reply with no emoji. Though it's not really a first time, i perfectly understood why she did that. I will never forget yesterday night. For the first time in four months, i made her really angry. Yes, she was jealous. She was jealous because i'm close not only to her but to another of our friend. She's only human and she has every right to be jealous. To be honest, i didn't see this coming. I always thought she'd be jealous about Abigail. But i guess this is more extreme. The moment she told me about this, my heart raced. I have never felt more guilty and so depressed in my entire life. My mind went into a trance and basically ready for the worst. I was only and very afraid of her. I was afraid of losing her at that point in time. She never made me feel so scared before. I understand how she feels. I've been there. But i really have no idea how to make this right. The only proper way i can think of is to talk to that friend and get things st...
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what.

twenty twelve has been harsh since its beginning but things are much better now considering the life i'm living. i must say it didn't went the way i envisioned it. i was expecting of a much gloom and blunt end to the year but then i met a girl. i met a girl during an outing celebrating our religious victory of fasting for a month called Hari Raya Puasa. it was quite magical i must say because it was only through that outing i noticed her. in fact, it was the first time i laid my eyes on her and i was quite mesmerized. months ago i was still heart broken over some dyed-hair, cute smiling and short Chinese girl just because i hadn't been talking to her. well, that was quite a dumb thing actually think about it. that was the past. what matters most now is the present and future. not hoping too much but it is true that any of us reading this post is not getting any younger by the second and i guess it is imperative for us to think of our own future. i would very much like to f...
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it really hurts to see the person whom you once were close with, to be close with another person. that sense of jealousy you get and that feeling of hurt just makes you go crazy. but at the end of the day you can only stand from afar and watch how they progress into a successful relationship without you. it sucks. it just sucks being the bystander. as much as you want to rewind time, it is impossible.
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decisions decisions.

So back to the boring topic, i will finally decide to let her go. After not talking to her for months it felt like there was nothing special. But letting go is not going to be easy. For the past three months i keep telling myself that i still do have feelings for her. Partly, it was true. I feel happy when i see her yet i can only sit still and do nothing. Today after what Arjun told me, it seems like my dream of her with another guy is falling through. It seemed evident as though they really like each other because that beaming smile from her face can only be seen with a special person, and that last beaming smile was last seen three months ago. So yes, today marks the end of her in my life. I will only track progress of forgetting her and letting her go from now on. She needs to find her Chinese guy. ;) Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6
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these times have changed.

Well apparently i am surrounded by couples. Not literally though. As far as i know, more and more people are getting into relationships and i'm just there like an awkward turtle. It is amazing how one can feel so lonely with only couples around you. So this life is all about how strong an individual can proceed with life despite all sinking emotions in them. I guess i only have myself to stay strong and push on for academic effiency. The disappoinment in me yesterday was really just unbearable. Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6
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