that feeling when you miss that one person and she's ignoring you.
that feeling when you miss that one person and she doesn't text.
that feeling when you miss that one person and she doesn't feel the same about you.
that feeling when you miss that one person yet all you can do is just sit and watch them walk pass you like you've never existed.
that feeling when you miss that one person after being in love for too long and yet she suddenly backs out due to uncertainty and leave you hanging by a thread.
such are the feelings that i feel today. today and only today. i don't even know what's wrong with today. is it because it's a Friday, or is it because i had too much to think lately...
today being the start of Summer Test isn't helping at all. i didn't prepare much for GP and MT to be honest. the night before i slept late. few hours before i was fooling around. i don't even know what to take seriously anymore. it feels like as if my life is a roller coaster ride going round in circles.
same shit, different year. it's like deja vu all over again. being stuck with all the feelings and emotions getting jumbled up and feeling as confused as ever. it all started with awkwardness. and then friendship. we started texting. we became close. close friends. too close. we became sisters. really close sisters. we started to feel love. or at least i did. i fell in love. i fell in love with you. you became my everything. but i didn't. i was still your close sister. you didn't accept the fact that i had fallen in love with you. maybe because it is only true that you didn't want to lose me completely when you became my girlfriend and broke up. maybe you only wanted me as your best friend, one who you could rely on and be beside for as long in your life. i still remember you told me that i'm one of the two fortunate guys that you made your bestfriend. i overlooked that statement in hopes that it meant something more than friends. my hopes were pinned up high and from the moment i let my hopes fly, there was no turning back. i kept working on how to get you. i got you. for a moment. remember, Ashton's concert at Esplanade. that was the first time i felt really loved and as though you wanted me as much as i wanted you. maybe i was overthinking. before that was class bbq at Jamie's. we went to watch a movie that night with a few other classmates. that period, Farhan still had a crush on you and i had one too. i felt bad that i took his crush away. i guess you would have been better off with him. any girl would be better off with him. look at his current girlfriend. after class bbq, i kept falling to no end. then came Ashton's concert where it was the peak of us. that was when i thought we had everything we could ever have. and i thought i had the one and only perfect girl in my heart and eyes. but i was wrong. something went horribly wrong. things took a turn and went downhill then onwards. things were stable or rather normal until Musician's Club concert in school. we had fun then. i fed you a sandwich. we shared a drink. but we sat separately. should have known better and sat beside you. i bet it would have made you feel alot better. after the concert, i wanted to send you home. where we could talk about us, our friendship, siblingship. and maybe even ask you about our future. i wanted to ask what happened. but i had to leave early. to make a cover. and that was one decision i regretted. you could have fallen asleep in my arms in the bus. i could have seen you for the last time before the downhill tumble.
that weekend, we texted. non-stop. but never met. i always miss you over the weekends. yes, i was crazy for you. i doodle your name every where and when i can. i think about you every minute of the day. i tell people how beautiful and perfect you are to me. but i know you never did any of those. i admit i was lovesick. only for you. so after texting, we met in school on monday as per normal in class. we barely talked to each other. for some reason i don't know what i ignored you for almost the entire day. to be honest, i didn't have an absolute idea to what i was doing. i have no idea what you were thinking. but all i know was that i wanted you to do something. something to change the situation. i wanted you to talk to me. i want you to want me. yet all i got was distant longing where you would look at me from afar and hope that i would spark a conversation. that was another mistake i regret making because it had affected me till today. for the rest of the week, we took stances at awkward silence or stares where words uttered would come out either silent or just ice cold. only a few weeks after i couldn't stand the silence any longer, i consulted Yihan to help me cope with my self-inflicted misery. all the advise she gave me started to make sense and i followed religiously. but some things i did was just my natural reaction to you. and how you reply would just shut my brain off and give my heart a melt.
to this date, i still have feelings for you. it's been almost a month since we stopped talking normally. i regret deeply how i ignored you that Monday. how i wish i could rewind the time to when we were only best friends. it would do everyone justice.
how much more cruel can this cruel life get...
that feeling when you miss that one person and she doesn't text.
that feeling when you miss that one person and she doesn't feel the same about you.
that feeling when you miss that one person yet all you can do is just sit and watch them walk pass you like you've never existed.
that feeling when you miss that one person after being in love for too long and yet she suddenly backs out due to uncertainty and leave you hanging by a thread.
such are the feelings that i feel today. today and only today. i don't even know what's wrong with today. is it because it's a Friday, or is it because i had too much to think lately...
today being the start of Summer Test isn't helping at all. i didn't prepare much for GP and MT to be honest. the night before i slept late. few hours before i was fooling around. i don't even know what to take seriously anymore. it feels like as if my life is a roller coaster ride going round in circles.
same shit, different year. it's like deja vu all over again. being stuck with all the feelings and emotions getting jumbled up and feeling as confused as ever. it all started with awkwardness. and then friendship. we started texting. we became close. close friends. too close. we became sisters. really close sisters. we started to feel love. or at least i did. i fell in love. i fell in love with you. you became my everything. but i didn't. i was still your close sister. you didn't accept the fact that i had fallen in love with you. maybe because it is only true that you didn't want to lose me completely when you became my girlfriend and broke up. maybe you only wanted me as your best friend, one who you could rely on and be beside for as long in your life. i still remember you told me that i'm one of the two fortunate guys that you made your bestfriend. i overlooked that statement in hopes that it meant something more than friends. my hopes were pinned up high and from the moment i let my hopes fly, there was no turning back. i kept working on how to get you. i got you. for a moment. remember, Ashton's concert at Esplanade. that was the first time i felt really loved and as though you wanted me as much as i wanted you. maybe i was overthinking. before that was class bbq at Jamie's. we went to watch a movie that night with a few other classmates. that period, Farhan still had a crush on you and i had one too. i felt bad that i took his crush away. i guess you would have been better off with him. any girl would be better off with him. look at his current girlfriend. after class bbq, i kept falling to no end. then came Ashton's concert where it was the peak of us. that was when i thought we had everything we could ever have. and i thought i had the one and only perfect girl in my heart and eyes. but i was wrong. something went horribly wrong. things took a turn and went downhill then onwards. things were stable or rather normal until Musician's Club concert in school. we had fun then. i fed you a sandwich. we shared a drink. but we sat separately. should have known better and sat beside you. i bet it would have made you feel alot better. after the concert, i wanted to send you home. where we could talk about us, our friendship, siblingship. and maybe even ask you about our future. i wanted to ask what happened. but i had to leave early. to make a cover. and that was one decision i regretted. you could have fallen asleep in my arms in the bus. i could have seen you for the last time before the downhill tumble.
that weekend, we texted. non-stop. but never met. i always miss you over the weekends. yes, i was crazy for you. i doodle your name every where and when i can. i think about you every minute of the day. i tell people how beautiful and perfect you are to me. but i know you never did any of those. i admit i was lovesick. only for you. so after texting, we met in school on monday as per normal in class. we barely talked to each other. for some reason i don't know what i ignored you for almost the entire day. to be honest, i didn't have an absolute idea to what i was doing. i have no idea what you were thinking. but all i know was that i wanted you to do something. something to change the situation. i wanted you to talk to me. i want you to want me. yet all i got was distant longing where you would look at me from afar and hope that i would spark a conversation. that was another mistake i regret making because it had affected me till today. for the rest of the week, we took stances at awkward silence or stares where words uttered would come out either silent or just ice cold. only a few weeks after i couldn't stand the silence any longer, i consulted Yihan to help me cope with my self-inflicted misery. all the advise she gave me started to make sense and i followed religiously. but some things i did was just my natural reaction to you. and how you reply would just shut my brain off and give my heart a melt.
to this date, i still have feelings for you. it's been almost a month since we stopped talking normally. i regret deeply how i ignored you that Monday. how i wish i could rewind the time to when we were only best friends. it would do everyone justice.
how much more cruel can this cruel life get...
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