all in the life, me

Wow. Five years since my last post. Well, a whole lot has changed in five years. I never knew what dreams are made of and i never knew what it was like to achieve your dreams. Through hard work and pure grit and determination, you can achieve your dream. There will be times where you think your goal is just out of reach or it will take you a longer time than originally hoped for but trust yourself to make small leaps of faith and many unimaginable things can be achieved. As a Muslim, i believe Allah is the best of planners and alhamdulillah, He is the best of planners. There were times i doubted myself about my life and what i wanted to do because the journey to achieve my dreams is taking longer than i had imagined. Five years ago i was still in the National Service serving in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) as a Third Sergeant taking NSmen for Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) and conducting Remedial Training (RT) as well as IPPT Preparatory Training (IPT). In 2014, i had ...

It has been three years since 2012 and it's been nothing short of amazing. Sure there were times when we quarreled like small kids, got upset over even the smallest matter but i'm more proud to say we were always happy to be with each other. We protect each other like siblings and love each other like husband and wife. I'm just so glad that three years ago, we were brought together. No one would have imagined that an innocent outing such as house visiting during hari raya would turn out to be our meeting place. I would tell my children how i meet their mother and how powerful Allah is to show us to our fate and meet our soulmate. It never occurred to me that i would meet such a beautiful girl in my entire life.  Dear Nur Syairah, Thank you for the amazing three years. I hope we will continue until eternity and reach our goal in five years. You are nothing but perfect. You are beautiful. Thank you for each and every moment that you stood by me and for making me feel...

It's the time of the year again and this year, it's different because i'm in NS so i won't have much green packet collection as before. But nonetheless, it's an occasion to celebrate the end of Ramadhan and forgiving so there's nothing to be sad about. Plus, my allowance is more than enough. Not bragging, just ensuring others that i'm not sad. Really. Anyway, i've finally graduated from SCS on the 25th June 2015 to become a 3rd Sergeant in the SAF. It's so much pride and happiness because i endured the first week of Ramadhan doing rehearsals and lessons. The rehearsals were no joke because it's serious, duh, and also because the weather was not forgiving at all. It was scorching hot and made our throats dry like it was draught season. So we the Muslims had to endure and persevere the hot weather and sun tanned ourselves until our skin was two-tone. Luckily i'm dark enough so the Sun was like, "i'll skip this one". Every eve...

Sometimes in life, many things don't always go your way and certainly relationships is one of them. There are many times where you take for granted the things you have easy to you and forget that it all comes with a price. All the effort you put in and time you spent to achieve what you have or what you want may be gone in seconds if you do not take proper care of that prized possession. Certainly, people fail in many ways, to realise that keeping and maintaing the peace amd harmony in a relationship is a more difficult task than merely creating one. It's effort and maybe money to keep it upright and headed in the right direction. Every single thing you do is no longer about you anymore. It's all about your future and your other half. You got to stop and think that maybe life is all about finding out more of yourself through your other half. I don't know about the rest but for me, mistakes can only be made none. There's no room for mistakes but you can't expect...

It's been only three months since i re-enlisted into Specialist Cadet School (SCS) in Pasir Laba Camp but felt like many years. I've been busy with training and juggling time to keep up with my family, my loved one and the outside world. I haven't met my friends for quite some time already, Shall find time for them after graduation.  On the bright side, i have only 63 days left (as of this post) to graduating as a 3rd Sergeant. On top on that, i've only 27 days left in Singapore before my departure to Sai Yok Camp in Thailand for overseas training. I'm excited but at the same time feeling a little saddened to be leaving my loved ones for three weeks or so. Nevertheless, it'll be a new experience for me and something for me to learn from. This post is just a short update of my life just to get the dust off this dusty place. (don't remind me of the outdated colour scheme) Anyway, as the title suggest, it's been a whopping 950 days since 16th Septe...

when you feel like the whole world is against you and you have nobody to turn to all you can do is keep quiet and live like there's nothing bothering you because tough times don't last tough people do

Well, yesterday was awesome. It was legendary. And honestly, very memorable. Though it's still fresh in my mind, but i have no doubt that it will stay in my mind for the next century and more. What happened was a unique experience which i have never been through in my entire life. Yesterday marks the first. I was invited (or self-invite rather :P) to her place for a gathering to celebrate her parents' anniversary. Being at her place was not a problem because it wasn't my first, nor meeting her big family because i had dinner with them before. But it's quite a tough thing to combine both at once; meet the family at her place. Quite a scary thing i must say. As normal people, we would feel nervous meeting people for the first time. And so i did. I was so nervous and scared of how to carry myself in front of my future family members. I was scared of what to do, what to say, how to say, how to sit, where to sit, where to stand, how to eat. Everything. I was scared. I s...

It's been ages since this blog had a new post. Time to dust it off. Since the start of 2014, all that was on my mind was A level results. I enlisted in February but the results were in March. So i served my 9 weeks in BMT and collected my results while serving. It was quite a beautiful start to my 2014 because everything was just plain and smooth because school's out of the way. Then came the enlistment part where i had to part with my other half for 2 weeks at first, then 5 days every other week. To me, it was quite a breeze knowing that every night, i hear her voice i can sleep peacefully. There were ups and downs no doubt because of a little mistrust and misunderstanding that was surfaced. But we managed to get out of that tangle fine. 9 weeks just swooped past and all i know is i've graduated from BMT with all my section mates and platoon mates. But then the crucial A level results come into play. See, i didn't do that well for my As it probably couldn't ge...

"The best thing you can do is to find someone who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome what have you. The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out of your ass." Well, i guess i have found the right one then. But i screwed up. Always. Just a moment ago i made a grave mistake that made her so upset i almost killed myself. What could be worse than making your significant other upset and you know you're the cause of it? I knew there was almost nothing that could be done to make her better. It was that one foolish move that i made which i utterly regret now. I honestly don't even know why i did that. I guess form now on i have to be extra careful with my words and actions since i'm no longer living my life alone. The fact that she decided to stay in my life despite the gazillion times i've hurt her actually means a whole lot to me. Yet i repeat my mistakes over. Okay, no more nonsense Yazid. It's all ser...

I really have nothing much to say about all my papers during the course of the week since last Monday but to say that I am quite confident in scoring for Geography - and that's only my H1 subject. I don't know how I might fair about all my three H2 especially Economics. I haven't been focused enough and it's about time I change that. I just hope the few weeks I have can help me improve at least to have sufficient ranking points for me to get into a university. I just want to get it over and done with but I want to do it once and do it well. Distractions aside, just mugging from now onward until the end of my last paper in November. On a side note, I just want to apologize to my beloved baby girl who is probably reading this but I just want to say sorry for not being there to accompany you today. I know you probably think soccer is much more important but I hope you understand that you are wrong. If I were to lose my life, I would rather lose it in your arms than a ...

I once told myself that i've had enough of suffering and just wanted to be with myself alone. I planned to be with someone only in the distant future after serving the nation or so but apparently the answer came much earlier. Since entering tertiary education i never thought it would actually change my life. My decision to step into a college was based on some very loose reasons but it was one decision that i did not regret. The experiences since the beginning was enjoyable; i met new people, friends, teachers, acquaintances, enemies and basically new everything. Indeed, i was actually afraid of the big A but i thought it was a long time to come at the start. After sitting through two major exams in the first year, i managed to clinch my spot for the big A the following year, and that is where i met my destiny. She arrived late last year, before the last major exam during Syawal. Ever since then, she has been a major influence on my life. What ever i do revolved around her, and i k...

Hello cold world. It's been a very hectic and very interesting week. And i am so glad it ended with a blast. I don't know why but it wasn't usually like this. So far, this is the most intense and draggy week due to the lessons that was just draggy. Consultations after consultations were also beginning to feel like a chore. But i had many opportunities to relief myself by the short street sessions. It was just heaven. I really miss soccer. And i shall miss it until after As, if God is willing. And since the start of Syawal, many things haven't been fine. Maybe it's just Allah's way of showing things but i accept and adapt. It was such a blissful thing to experience Syawal again (and Ramadhan) for it means that i get to meet my friends and seek their forgiveness, particularly a very special person. Apart from my family, she is the one who has been beside me throughout ever since the beginning of 2013. I am so grateful to her for being my pillar of strengt...

Hi readers of this mundane blog. It has been awhile. It's 96 days to A levels (according to my countdown, the school's countdown is useless) and 43 days to Prelim 2. It goes without saying that the amount of effort i have to put in from now onwards shall be via the multiplier effect. After Prelim 2 is just nothing but books. I must make this a good investment in order to have a peaceful mind 1 week after the end of As - as according to what Cikgu Fuad said yesterday during PTM - so that i don't have to worry about my results. It's a scary thing this A levels. It might make or break good things. But thus far, it has been making my life more enjoyable. It is because even with hardship faced during my study in school i always have that one person to brighten up my day instantaneously. I know recently we've been arguing a lot but it will never separate us - nothing will. She's been the joy of my life ever since she appeared. And i have loved her every bit. I will ...

Whatever feels good. Whatever takes your mind tonight. Seriously, i don't feel too good. I am always blessed with disappointments after every major exam. It's like everything i do is never enough and it makes me feel stupid. I hope this disappointment ends soon as i really have no more room for any setbacks. It's all up from here. Insya'Allah.

We always argue. It's always either because of me or you. But yesterday was just bad. I was actually angry. Because i was jealous. Who is that guy to comment such things anyway? Yes i know my girl is pretty and beautiful and it seems harmless to take it as a compliment. But for all you know, he intends to flirt with you. Gtfo. Plus, it's an old picture. That's fucking stalking. She's mine. Yes i'm selfish like that. Nobody can mess with her. But if she messes with somebody else, then i don't know what to say. I tend to get jealous easily. Ohwell, my nature. I can't help it, seriously. Maybe, i should give my mind a rest. Maybe i should disconnect myself from the world for abit. Stay strong guys. ;)

It's not one the days when you feel down anymore. It's that day when you found out how lousy you actually are academically. Today the Physics department called out 14 lowest students in the cohort and had a talk with the HOD. Well i already knew it wasn't good news when i saw my name flashed on the screen. I was never called out for a good thing before. They made me realise that A level is not child's play. That was enough to spoil my mood for the entire week.

Alhamdullilah. I praise Allah for his always forgiving and always loving hands.

It is actually quite saddening to know that you're not good enough in something. It's very bothersome. It just gets into your mind and eat you up. Well at least for me, it works that way. But i guess i have to accept reality that in other's eyes, i'm just of no standard in this sport they play. Watching this match right now makes me reflect how i'm just no good. I'm just sad that my place in the first team is freed up. It seems promising at first but since the last friendly match, i know my position can be replaced. All i ask is to be in the first team and play with my year two friends. Not some bunch of year one freshies.

I'm a fucking emotional wreck right now. I don't know how to feel and even what to feel. It's like life just decided to anal me hard right in the ass. I don't know how to pull this through.

There are  things i've said that i really don't mean and words that sounded harsh but it wasn't meant to be that way. You should know i'm that type of harsh and mean person. I guess you still haven't known me well enough to know all these. Indeed, it isn't my true blue personality. You should know i love you too much to hurt you.